Sunday, March 28, 2010

FASHION POST:track suits and lipstick

I dont endorse track suits. How many have you actually seen on a track? If you were to wear it on a track, would it need to be velour , and would you need to be in full hair and makeup?

A few weeks ago, I was at the gym next to the treadmills and was literally staring at the girls next to me. They were both in club wear, wearing flip-flops( white) and literally looked like they were having wedding photos done, due to there WHORE-endous updos's and makeup. I was gagging because they were both hosed in marc jacobs perfume. I was mesmerized. I couldnt believe someone would take the time to " get ready" to go to the gym like that. I looked over at her speed to see how fast one can walk in platform flip-flops. She was walking at .5, meaning not even "1" speed. how tragic. I pause my ipod so I can listen in on these bitches ramble, and this plastic bitch is explaining to her friend that if she doesnt get her grades up her mother is going to CUT HER CLOTHING ALLOWANCE!OMGLOLZ! Her friend tries to contort her face into pity, when the girl says" UH MU GOD! HE IS SSOOOOO LOUD!" talking about me working out next to them. I was like " YOU ARE AT A GYM. IT IS LOUD." She freaked because she didnt realize that sound travels.

MY point is that, if you must dress frumpy, look frumpy. Dont try and cute it up. If you need to look frumpy, smack a belt on a tank, throw on some big sunglasses, rat your hair up a little bit, like really look casual. Grasp the concept of what youre doing. Dont look like a pageant queen about to run some cancer charity 5k in full hair and makeup. Its not called " make down" for a reason.

Friday, March 26, 2010

The Case of the EX

I often wonder the legitimacy of " ex" relations. Do you try to be nice, even though you want to choke them? How passive IS passive aggression?

I am the worst boyfriend ever. I love the notion of having a boyfriend, but when it boils down to it, I either attract jerks or I expect to much. I want a compassionate, caring, attentive guy who understands the mutual masachism that being in a relationship brings.

I always end up dating some apathetic introvert that gets his feeling hurt by my need to go out and dance, or have friends over. I CANT SIT STILL. What can I do?

Im too creative to handle jerks. I just had to sit through watching my haggard old friends stare at me, as if I had committed some crime and wiggled my way out of justice.

So my official stance on ex's is this: If you cant handle the bobbyk, you should probably go fuck yourself. I can make a wedding dress out of a curtain!

Thursday, March 25, 2010


Once upon a time there was a rats nest and a little boy. The little boy decided one day that he should place the nest upon his head and suddenly, he became voltron. Or the guyver or something, but most importantly, he looked like this bitch kE$HA. THE FACT THAT I HAVE TO HIT THE SHIFT KEY TO TYPE THAT ANGERS ME.

I am a fine taster of pop music, a conniseur if you will. I have tasted every britney b-side, every rare madonna remix of " holiday", and have taken like a pup to the teet over Lady Gaga, so I KNOW POP MUSIC. I turned on my TV tonight to have some ambient noise, and thooought I heard " rupauls drag race", since I clearly heard a feminine man complaining through song about something. When I ran into the living room, it was actually this bitch singing. To my surprise, this tranny was trying to be a few things she ought not try:
a. a woman
b. edgy/manly( or hardcore)
c. dirty?

I just want you to know something KE$HA, seriously, from the bottom of my heart. Lady gaga and Justin Beiber are TRYING TO FIX SHIT AROUND HERE. MAKE IT PALATABLE. TAKE A BATH. FIND A CHURCH. Dont fuck it up for us.